I decided before i left for maternity leave that i would not return to my old job in London. The logistics would not have worked out and we wanted to spend a longer amount of time down south with our families so i have found myself a part time job down here.
I am working for a company who supplies jewellery for the major retailer stores. My first day was today and i was a little tired after the restless night of worries; 'Will everyone like me? Will i like everyone? My usual one, Will i fall over?'. Tabitha decided after sleeping for 3 nights she'd wake up at 2am just after i dozed off to have a half hour scream so that didn't help either.
Never the less i did it, i got up, i got dressed, i feed and dressed the child and was ready waiting for Granny to take over at 8.30am. This may never happen again i do realise.
It felt good walking into town dressed smart and with good hair and make up with the knowledge i was without a buggy and heading for a place where no one cares i'm a Mum.
I did however find myself through the morning doing some worrying things.
Several times i spoke about Tabitha and being a Mum in a really cringe worthy way saying things like; Thats why i love having a pushchair to put carry my shopping, The hours really suit me because of Tabitha, I usually have wet wipes because of the baby.
No-one cares do they? What was i thinking?
I could hear the words coming out but not stop them in time. I do not want to be one of those mothers with nothing else to say other than 'what my child did' comments.
Thank god i'm back at work hopefully this is the backdraft of being at home for a year and once the crap comments are out of my system i'll return to talking about clothes, politics and slagging off men.
Until then i'm censoring myself, i'd rather have tourettes.