Monday, 21 February 2011

Guest Post by From Marketing to Milk - Angry.

I am honored to publish this guest post for a fellow blogger. 

From Marketing to Milk features on my blog roll and is one of my favorites. Milks' writing is funny, witty and clever, and always inspires thought and opinion.

It is a tough time for her right now, the darkest of times. Her mother has recently been diagnosed with advanced lung cancer and the prognosis is not good. 

I too have experienced the pain cancer can bring but never managed to verbalize my feelings this well.

Milk has asked me to publish this post for her as she needs to write, needs to put the words out there. 

I happen to think the words are beautiful because they are so raw and so honest. 


Angry that the grandparents my children will know, grow up with, remember, won't be MY parents. That the one they will call Grandma won't be MY mum, the one they will know as Grandad will be someone else's.

I'm angry that my Mum will be a hazy recollection, snapshots - splintered and one-dimensional - just as my Dad is now only a photo on the fridge. Their absence juxtaposed against a life filled with love and cuddles and memories from their other, "real" grandparents.

I'm angry that it won't be my mum that picks them up from school, that wraps her arms around them and asks them what their day was like. That she'll never see the expression on their faces as they unwrap her carefully chosen Christmas present, or heap praise on them when they read their first words.

I'm angry that I will have to live more of my life without her than I have done with. One of the most important people to me - my mother, my best friend - here for just a fraction of my life. Killed off after only the first few chapters. 

I'm angry that the person that has been at the centre of my universe for 33 years will be snatched away from me, cruelly, suddenly, and that I will have to relearn to live my life without her.

I'm angry that at just 33 I will be an orphan.

I'm angry that my "go to person", my reference point for all the decisions I make, the person at the end of the telephone when I'm feeling unsteady or unsure, will become unavailable. Permanently engaged. 

I'm angry that I will have to make sense of all of this by myself.

I'm really fucking angry, and my rage is selfish and personal. For now it's all about me.


Please visit From Marketing to Milk and show some much needed support to this lovely lady.


  1. I can only imagine wha you are going through, by imagining what life would be like if my mum was cruelly taken from me and was no longer here for me or my children. It is upsetting and unbearable. Yet for you this is a reality.
    You be angry - you be whatever you feel you have to be to get through this.
    I am so very sorry for what you are and will go through.
    I know my comments are not able to help you or your pain, but I am thinking of you xx

  2. Jesus. I can't even begin to imagine what life must be like for you right now. Reading that has me in tears. Life can be so bloody unfair sometimes and no matter what "advice" or well meaning words are thrown around, nothing can ever help.

    I'm so sorry for what you all have to go through. So sorry.


  3. I love this post. It's real and honest. Thinking of you honey. Stay strong xxx

  4. A very honest, moving post. I can somewhat relate to those feelings, having lost my dad in similar way 6 years ago. I can't imagine the prospect of losing my mum as well. Nothing I write will help, but I wish you the best and think of you at this horrendous time. x

  5. You are right to be angry. What is happening to your family is not right, nor just, nor fair.

    Just before I read this, I was scanning in old photos of my partner's family, from when he was a child. He is 31 years old now, I am 28, and last year we had our first child. A little girl, whom we obviously love dearly.

    Whilst I was scanning in the old photos his dad had given us, I was angry too. Because my partner's mum died of cervical cancer when he was 13 years old. His sister was only 11 years old, and his older brother, 18. All children at critical, developmental stages of their lives.

    I was angry that I'll never meet my mother-in-law, that she will never meet her first, and possibly only grandchild. My partner, too, only has these flimsy, sepia-tinted images left of his mum, someone who should be here, sharing all these experiences with us.

    It's fucking painful. Painful more for yourself, and for my partner, than it is for me, that is understood. But I understand the resentment you must feel towards the universe for taking your mother away from you so soon in her life, there are no words that anyone can offer that will make you feel better about the situation, I know.

    The only thing we can offer you is the support that some of us have been through a similar experience in our lives, I've lost almost too many loved-ones to keep count of in my meagre 28 years on this planet, and although the pain never goes away, it somehow settles and becomes less intrusive as the years go by.

    I wish you strength and love in this terrible time xxx

  6. You are entitled to be angry, of course you are. Life is cruel and so completely unfair at times and you are living it at its worse at the moment.
    Nothing I say is going to make this go away but know that we are all hear for you and we are not going to complain if you scream, cry, shout, snap or do whatever you need to do. I am not even going to try to say I understand I don't. I have lots grandparents and that is hard enough but I can't even imagine losing a parent. I am so sorry for all your pain.
    My thoughts are constantly with you all lots of love xxxxx

  7. I'm so so sorry Henrietta. My heart breaks for you. Can I say that I'm glad you're angry? It took me a long time to get there. It's all completely normal and appropriate, though I know that is cold comfort right now. It's awful. It's such a primal thing, the loss of a parent.

    If you ever need a safe place to post as you navigate this passage, you're welcome to use Wanderlust. Just let me know. Holding you in my heart, love. xoxo

  8. I too feel the same, this is very raw for me at the moment and I can not type for the sobbing that is coming out of my mouth (I didnt even realise it was me until the boys asked me what was wrong). God I miss her so much, I am angry, raw and so, so alone. My boys dont have anyone now, the outlwars dont give a shit

  9. I am so sorry hun. But it is completely understandable that you feel like this, and it's important to express it. xx

  10. I am commenting, because I know how important comments are to you. To be honest, what you're going through scares the shit out of me. You're only a few years older than me, and I still feel like a child (or at least, not like a grown-up) - how can it be possible that it's time for parents to die? You have every right to be really fucking angry. This isn't how things should be. x

  11. Big big hugs hun. It is okay to be angry and scared and sad. It is good to acknowledge and feel that.

    I know this sounds cliche, yet try to use this time to ask your mum all the things you want to ask her. If she has the emotional strength ask her to write letters to your kids for future milestones in their life. Graduation, marriage, their first child.

    You know where I am if you need me.

    Hugs again.