She still will not sleep. I sat up in bed this morning at 5am with a grizzling baby head butting me in the face and a partner rushing off to catch the 6am train and realised when I work full time this child MUST sleep.
I have always been a firm believer that parents have the power to make children the way they are with regards to sleep.
In which case I have seriously cocked up somewhere here.
I have been a routine freak from day one, bath, bottle, bed. No excitement after 6.30, no bright lighting, no toys in the cot. We have never managed to ditch the 3am bottle and now at 14 months I have visions of a very bad toddler approaching, bed hopping, wetting our bed and being a general pain in the arse.
Its my fault I know it is. I'm not saying this with the 'oh I'm a failure as a mum' tone so don't tell me its not my fault. It is.
Her nap times are all over the place, one day its two hours, others she skips it totally.
I am also rubbish at 3am. I hear a grizzle, I get milk and I feed her, I lay her down, then I lay down and wake up ten minutes later, she is asleep so I shuffle off back to bed.
The only thing I want to be doing at 3am is queuing for a kebab or a taxi.
My child has been given milk at 3am for her whole life and now I am unhappy about this.
I am an idiot.
Every night when she ends up peeing down my back and I end up sleeping in a toddler bed being starred out by Paddington, I will say over and over......
I did this to myself. I did this to myself.
